I am filled with a lot of anxiety this morning. It seems like it has been a long time since I've had this much anxiety. The only thing I can hope is that by going into work and facing the day I can make this anxiety demon disappear. Right now though I just want to crawl under the covers and spend another day hiding from the world. I will just have to reach in and find some inner strength.

I had an urge to run off and go to Ajahn Brahm's monastery in Australia. That won't be happening any time soon. Ajahn Brahm got himself into a little bit of trouble when he ordained a group of Bhikunis. Even Buddhism has its controversies. I listened to an interesting talk from the BSWA website on the ordination of women and the role of women in the monastic sense.
I don't know how to link to the video so I will have to find someone to teach me and post it later.

I am quite satisfied with the progress I have made in the quitting smoking department. I have blipped a couple of times but I am confident that this time I will definitely quit. I recently cut the dosage of the patch I am wearing and perhaps that is contributing to my anxiety level. I guess no matter what I do, I have to face the withdrawals sooner or later. All I know is that I would be flattened if not for the patch.

Monday night is meeting night. I am going to tell everyone how I have been feeling because that is what you are supposed to do at a meeting. My habit is to tell everyone that I am ok but that is not really true right now. I am sure that this will all pass but in the meantime it is uncomfortable as all hell.

I restarted my diet yesterday. I joined the Biggest Loser Club. I'll keep trying different things until I find something that works. This diet gives me a menu plan to follow so maybe, just maybe, that will help me. I read recently that making an overall lifestyle change is better than just trying to make one small change at a time. I'll go with that.

Well...must...face...day...