Here I Am Once Again

I have been thinking a lot about the 12 steps, Buddhism and mental health lately. I found a great workbook on a 12 step site (www.12step.org) and I want to share some tidbits of upbeat information that I came across. Here they are:

Three Spiritual Gifts from Practicing the 12 Steps

1. The Awakening to the Presence of our Higher Power and to be in conscious union with this presence.
2. The Awakening to the Love that we are, that all of us are.
3. The Awakening to the individual Self we were created to be, with purpose and meaning. In other words, to consciously live our Heart's Desire, God's will.

"We have failed many time, but we are not failures. We have been foolish, but we are not fools. We have done many bad things, but we are not evil."

"We will repeat the same problem until there is real healing."

"Watch out for the termites, the little day-in day-out stuff. This is a real present danger. These little guys undermine the foundation of every relationship. Termites destroy more property than all the fires, floods, wind and hail and so it is with relationships. With the "big" problems, we are forced to do something about these or run away. With the little stuff we don't have to do anything about it, or it is not important enough. In one way or another, we often stuff these. One termite doesn't matter, but when they build up in numbers, watch out. It is best to deal with all problems ASAP."

I just started to go through the work book and I already found these tidbits. I can hardly wait to read more.

I also bought a new book called The 12 Step Buddhist. It is right up my alley being an AA member and a person interested in Buddhism. There is also a website associated with this book http://the12stepbuddhist.com. I even felt compelled to write a lengthy letter to the author. Isn't the world wide web grand?

Now I just have to find someone in the mental health field to help me and I will have all the bases covered.

I am filled with a lot of anxiety this morning. It seems like it has been a long time since I've had this much anxiety. The only thing I can hope is that by going into work and facing the day I can make this anxiety demon disappear. Right now though I just want to crawl under the covers and spend another day hiding from the world. I will just have to reach in and find some inner strength.

I had an urge to run off and go to Ajahn Brahm's monastery in Australia. That won't be happening any time soon. Ajahn Brahm got himself into a little bit of trouble when he ordained a group of Bhikunis. Even Buddhism has its controversies. I listened to an interesting talk from the BSWA website on the ordination of women and the role of women in the monastic sense.
I don't know how to link to the video so I will have to find someone to teach me and post it later.

I am quite satisfied with the progress I have made in the quitting smoking department. I have blipped a couple of times but I am confident that this time I will definitely quit. I recently cut the dosage of the patch I am wearing and perhaps that is contributing to my anxiety level. I guess no matter what I do, I have to face the withdrawals sooner or later. All I know is that I would be flattened if not for the patch.

Monday night is meeting night. I am going to tell everyone how I have been feeling because that is what you are supposed to do at a meeting. My habit is to tell everyone that I am ok but that is not really true right now. I am sure that this will all pass but in the meantime it is uncomfortable as all hell.

I restarted my diet yesterday. I joined the Biggest Loser Club. I'll keep trying different things until I find something that works. This diet gives me a menu plan to follow so maybe, just maybe, that will help me. I read recently that making an overall lifestyle change is better than just trying to make one small change at a time. I'll go with that.

Well...must...face...day...