This is a dark and gloomy picture kind of like how I feel right now. It is amazing to me how quickly my emotions can turn. I was in the moment, enjoying taking pictures of the sky before and after sunset. I excitedly looked at my work and wondered at what I had learned with my camera. Then it happened. My balloon was popped and it is all I can do not to go to my room and go to bed and shut everything out. I may just do that before too long. But I must remember too that all mind states are impermanent. Just as happiness is fleeting, so is depression. Equanimity is where it's at. I can't imagine what that means right now. For me in this moment of time, equanimity is the absence of caring and I know that is not right. I am such an emotional being. Whatever I feel is intense and feels like it will last forever. If I am happy, I will be happy forever. If I am sad and anguished, I will be sad and anguished forever. Sometimes life is hard. Maybe not so much in actuality but I can make it seem hard. Tomorrow is another day and I am as strong as I have ever been.

I can sense displeasure in other people, especially when I am the source of displeasure. I often compare myself to Deanna Troi in Star Trek. You gotta love those corny Star Trek references. Other people's states can affect my own especially when I want everyone to be happy. When people aren't happy, I start to worry about the future and what it will bring. And I don't know what to do.