Craving is the cause of suffering

"Clear away the forests of craving

but do not attack and destroy the trees.

Clear the entire forest of craving

and you will see the Way to Freedom."

-Dhammapada v.283

I feel like a mass ball of craving much of the time. I quit drinking over 8 years ago after drinking had wreaked so much havoc in my life. That was a period of intense suffering both before and after but dealing with all the consequences made me determined to change my life. It was difficult to get through with each day but I was determined not to continue living the type of life I had been living. It was one step at a time in the first few months and now I live a much better life.

Unfortunately the ghost of craving has not left me. It has only changed forms. I continue to smoke and now that I have a horrible chest cold, I am very conscious of the negative impact smoking has on my health. I have also developed an intense craving for sugar which I mostly feel at work. I want to improve my health which isn't all that bad considering the things that I do to my body. However, I don't want to go through any suffering, necessary or not, to get to the other side. Right now it seems easier to put up with constant low-grade suffering rather than face short term intense suffering with the promise of great rewards on the other side. Somehow I naively hope that all my bad habits will just fall away magically and all will be ok. It hasn't happened like that yet.

The place in the photo is in a park close to where I used to live. When I had first quit drinking and was suffering the consequences of my drinking years, I used to go to that spot and sit in peace by the water. That place represented a pocket of peace in my life, a place where I felt "God", whatever God is. I liked the peacefulness evoked by water and I would seek out places where I could sit by the river or a creak. I could use a place like that now.